What is this?
This is an in-depth article on why men don’t want to get married anymore.
Who are you?
A young guy that is terrified of the prospect of modern marriages in Western countries.
Are you ever going to get married?
I would absolutely love too. But the likelihood of that is shown below.
With x being age and y being likelihood of me ever marrying:
Are you an MGTOW/Incel/misogynist/other catch-phrase?
No, I still date plenty.
Who hurt you?
I did burn my hand on a stove once when I was 7.
I hope you’ll fall in love/find the right one/love-song reference/disneyland
I appreciate your fake emotional support.
But marriage is important!11!!!1
So is not losing half of my stuff and my mental stability.
But family values are the bedrock of Western Civ
I agree. So yell at culture, feminism, and courts. They degraded marriage – not men or women.
You’re not a RealMan™
Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married Anymore
My original intention with this article wasn’t to marriage-bash.
It was actually to make a rebuttal to an article titled: “Women Are Getting Married Less And Less — And The Reason Why Might Shock You” by Bolde.
But as I was writing… I just, kept going.
So now it’s a full article on why men don’t want to get married in this current state.
Enjoy.
A Primer: ‘Women Are Getting Married Less And Less’ Article Rebuttal
The author of this magical piece is Amanda Chatel.
She has other hit pieces such as “11 Things I Wish I Knew About Blowjobs When I Was Younger“, “Ladies, Please Don’t Masturbate With These 13 Things—You’ll Be Sorry” and “Why I Love Being Bitter & Single“.
Now within this particular article she argues 11 different points on why women are getting married less.
And we’ll go through all of these.
But the initial premise is incorrect.
The initial assumption is that women are choosing to get married less and less.
This is just false. Check out the Pew Research:
Among never-married adults ages 30 to 50, men (27%) are more likely than women (8%) to say they do not want to marry.
And the rate of “unsure” is double for men regardless of age.
Just from these numbers, you can see that men that would even consider marriage are far below the number of women that would.
This means there are not enough men to marry all the women that want to get married.
This is true even before a women has to struggle and find a man she actually wants to marry. IE: same values/morals, good person, sexual chemistry, has a job, etc.
So the initial assumption of the article that women are making this as a choice, is false. It may be true for some women – but not the majority by a long shot.
Now onto the points in this article:
1. There just aren’t as many worthwhile guys anymore.
“Marriageable men” IE: men of high social status, or men that hold a decent job coupled with looks – are one of the least likely branches of men to get married in the millennial generation.
Most men of my age group (millennial) have grown up with women who act in conjunction or at least symbolically with the ideals of feminism. This incorporates the “sexual revolution”, where women act promiscuously during their prime “finding a man” age-range (20-25).
And the response to that is simple: Why would they buy the cow if they get the milk for free?
Many young men (and older men, for that matter) fall out of the “worthwhile” category because they don’t need to be in it to get laid. This really isn’t rocket science.
Men mold to what they need to be based on requirements, where women set the requirements. And the requirements are practically non-existent, at the current time.
2. Women are the complete package on their own.
An honorable point.
My counter is when were women ever not a complete package of their own?
Throughout history, women raised kids and generally worked at home. But is that not a complete package? Raising the next generation is arguably the most important job on the freaking planet.
Formidably, there was a time when wives respected their husbands.
There was a time when wives took care of their husbands.
And in return, they fully expected their husbands to respect and take care of them.
Perhaps this is where the issue resides.
If a women no longer needs or even desires a man to “take care of them” (since women can do everything a man can do better than them, thank you) – then the flip side is the assumption that the women doesn’t need to take care of their husbands, either.
And if no one is taking care of anyone, why the f**k would you get married?
3. Marriage is outdated and women know that.
Please see previous link here. Most women still want to get married.
And this fact still doesn’t make them anymore happy.
There was even a study done on “Whose the Happiest?” by Captivate:
The profile of a happy worker: He’s 39 years old, married and has a household income between $150 and $200K. He works in a senior management position, has one young child at home and a wife who works part-time.
The profile of an unhappy worker: She’s a 42-year-old, unmarried woman with a household income under $100K who works in a professional position.
Surprisingly, men are happier even though they put in more time at the office. Men work an average of 8.8 hours per day, compared to women who put in an average of 8.4 hours per day at the office.
Men are also more likely to work from home during off-hours, clocking in 4.6 hours each week at home on nights and weekends, while women work 3 hours each week off-hours.
Marriage may be outdated, but it is not inefficient, at least for the happiness of women (Sidenote: Men’s happiness is only negligibly affected by marriage in this study).
4. Many men continue to be threatened by strong and successful women.
The typical ‘masculinity is fragile’ argument.
Women that say no to marriage are “strong and independent and don’t need no man”.
Men that say no to marriage are “scared of commitment and/or traumatized they can’t force women into marriage anymore”.
When you start off with the assumption that men are into marriage just to control an inferior being then it is no surprise that you come out thinking that men are upset over not getting married or are “threatened”.
I don’t think I’ve ever met any man that was “threatened” by a woman that was self-sufficient or had a good job. Why would any man care, at all?
I think the principal problem with this analysis is that it assumes men are interested in the same traits in women that women value in men.
Not trying to speak for all men here, but:
- I’m college educated (B.B. & M.A. Stem Field) – I don’t value graduate or undergraduate education at all in a partner
- I am physically fit (6’0, BF ~ 14%, getting it lower) – I have dated women that outrun me in obstacle races
- I don’t care how much money a woman makes, whether it is 30k or 90k
- I don’t care about the “social status” of her job
- I don’t care what my friends think about her
I am sure most men would agree with me about these things.
Now can we say women would say the same?
No. Obviously women care about these things, in studies they rank “stable job”, “financial provider”, and “social reasons” very high.
Men don’t value these traits in a partner.
Despite what women think about this – they really haven’t made themselves more attractive with the social progress. Men don’t care about these things in partners like they do, and they fail to see this.
So even men at the top of the totem poll aren’t looking for these “better” options qualitatively. Because of the sexual revolution, they already have them quantitatively.
They aren’t threatened, they just have it all already for less commitment.
You can’t get the perks of tradition with none of the baggage, sorry to say.
So the idea that men are “threatened” by strong/successful women is a hysterical concept that is likely projection.
Women, are the ones threatened by strong/successful humans, male or female. Not men.
That’s exactly why women constantly target each other, and speak negatively about other women behind their backs. “Catty” is the term.
But men are annoyed with woman that act strong and then turn out to be emotionally unstable. Which happens… a lot.
And we can avoid that by not committing. See: “There just aren’t any worthwhile guys anymore“.
5. The hookup culture is alive and well.
Yes, women are getting married less because they can get railed in a club bathroom when they are 35 and then regret it literally 5 seconds later.
But you won’t listen to me on this. How about taking it from your own Feminist club-lounge?
Feminists are now not entirely sure the hookup culture was the best idea.
There are a million articles like this popping up recently:
Participating in the hookup culture meant “actually [denying] ourselves agency and [bolstering] male dominance, all while convincing ourselves we’re acting like progressive feminists,” Fessler concluded.
Yet, she wrote, many of the men she interviewed also would have preferred committed relationships to casual sex, but felt social pressure to engage in the latter.
“Emotionless, casual sex,” Fessler wrote, is typically “radically dissonant” with the way women are naturally wired.
The lack of fulfillment from the hookup culture Fessler and the women she interviewed experienced is part of a larger phenomenon.
“Where was the freedom I was supposed to feel?” a pseudonymous freelance writer asked of casual sex in Verily magazine.
She wrote that the fear of pregnancy, confusion, and physical and emotional pain that came from hooking up made her life “hellish.”
The hookup culture is rigged against gender equality, she argued, because it automatically puts women at a disadvantage.
Women carry the “brunt of sexual risks” while men “wield the majority of the sexual power”—the hookup culture works against women’s natural desire for commitment, which would serve the needs of any children produced from such a union.
Commitment-free sex helps irresponsible men and hurts women in the process.
So this is the logic:
Women are getting married less because of the hookup culture.
But the hookup culture helps irresponsible men and hurts the women.
If something incentivizes men to act in a way, they will do it. It helps irresponsible men, so more men become irresponsible (see: Where have all the good men gone?).
And yet, short-term flings with men that don’t care about you at all emotionally is still somehow empowering and fulfilling.
6. The idea of “marrying up” is gone.
This is literally exactly the same as point 1, the author just couldn’t think of any more points.
7. Women have risen and continue to rise.
This is literally exactly the same as point 2, the author just couldn’t think of any more points.
8. Marriage isn’t necessary for women to be mothers.
Yes, single motherhood sure is a great alternative to getting married.
Oh, but it will be great for the woman right?
Nah, single parents are the least happy demographic in the United States.
But at least having this right will make women happy, right?
Nah, women’s happiness has been steadily declining as single motherhood increased, marriage decreased, and women’s rights movements have exploded in popularity.
9. Men have lost what little value they had.
This is literally exactly the same as point 1, the author just couldn’t think of any more points.
10. Women have essentially become the men they wanted to marry.
The best part of this?
The next point, point 11, is:
“11. Sponsored: New dating app”
After all that time, the author is still trying to send the single women reading that article to a dating app.
Couldn’t write better irony if I tried.
The Reasons
Competition vs Cooperation Has Flipped
So remember up at the top of this when I said men are less likely (27% vs 8%) to want to get married?
Women like her are exactly why.
I dated a feminist once. Worse experience of my life. Never again. She still calls me every few months. But nope.
My advice to younger men than I (Gen Z) – stay the hell away from feminists. It’s never actually “equal”, as they say they want it to be.
They’ll expect the moon and give you a pebble.
Let’s start this examination with an interview of Janice Shaw Crouse. She gives a status report on marriage today: “Bachelor Nation: 70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married”
“Far too many young men have failed to make a normal progression into adult roles of responsibility and self-sufficiency, roles generally associated with marriage and fatherhood” … The high percentage of bachelors means bleak prospects for millions of young women who dream about a wedding day that may never come. “It’s very, very depressing … They’re not understanding how important it is for the culture, for society, for the strength of the nation to have strong families.”
Apparently men’s only worth is to make women happy.
But with this (rise of feminism), women’s happiness has also been declining.
Causation, or not – I can’t say for sure. I’d argue for it. But I’m not a know-it-all God so it’s impossible to determine.
And why would any man want to get married to someone that is not happy?
If women are becoming less happy, and more cynical – we become less attracted to them. Men are attracted to vibrancy. Not chronic self-imposed victimization.
And the result? Less men want to get married for this reason.
Feminism has made it a reality where there must constantly be a victim, and a struggle, in any walk of life. That includes relationships. And women that eat up that doctrine espouse those beliefs (consciously or subconsciously) in relationships.
Mine sure did.
It becomes a constant competition, whereas relationships are supposed to be about building a unit. Coming together.
That’s impossible to do when so many women are less happy and constantly finding a way to view themselves as a victim in a struggle within a relationship.
In the final part she mentioned:
They’re not understanding how important it is for the culture, for society, for the strength of the nation to have strong families.”
It IS important to have strong families. But how can a man build them with whores, divorce courts, feminism, and every other inherent anti-married man/father issue lingering about?
“Feminism was supposed to bring women happiness,” Crouse said. “But the research shows that women today are much more unhappy then they have been in the past. They’ve ended up with far more opportunities, but their personal happiness is way down.”
Color me shocked.
How does a male love someone who doesn’t love them-self?
All but one of my relationships have had a common theme: happiness. There was also another underlying theme: none of them were feminists.
Men need certain things to be fulfilled. Respect, feeling like a man, physical intimacy, and loyalty. To have an efficient relationship, those needs must be met. Women have needs as well, that are drastically different (attention, affection, emotional validation, vulnerability, protective/provider, etc). To have an efficient relationship, those needs must also be met. There has to be cooperation between the two – if men and women don’t work toward a mutual exchange of these needs, no one wins.
And many modern women won’t do that, instead expecting their needs are met while offering little in return to their male counterpart. Or by offering things that no man needs or wants, such as “social status”, or some other indicator that women are attracted too, but men are not.
Then they wonder why men drop out. I don’t.
Women Aren’t Women Anymore
Going along the same lines, remember this part from above?
Men are not interested in the same traits in women that women value in men
Ask any man that says he’s not going to get married why, and unless he’s a incel he’ll tell you because women aren’t women anymore.
Gender relations changed drastically. We don’t even talk the same way to each other anymore.
But the kicker is that men haven’t changed much. We still play the game by the rules imposed (IE: requirements that women set for us). Men become what they need to be to get physical intimacy. In the 1920’s, it was by being a hardworking businessman and swooning a women with the upmost respect. Then waiting for marriage. Now it has changed.
Many women have begun to think of men as the enemy. And I don’t really blame them. Most men are just out for tail.
But is that not what we are supposed to be doing? That’s what has been encouraged to us since youth. It’s what women respond well too.
Men want to love women, not compete with them. Providing and protecting for families is built in our DNA. We’ve been doing it since the conception of humanity.
A few walks and less than a century of “progressive” action is not going to change that DNA structure within us.
So we don’t really feel fulfilled. I’ve asked many men about this – many don’t feel fulfillment in their relationships because they don’t have these basic needs of their own satisfied. They are fighting their own genome to make a family unit.
Not all relationships of course, but in many. And after awhile, it results in men being tired. Tired of being told what they should and shouldn’t feel.
No man goes to a women and tells her that her emotions are invalid. But it happens often to men. Typically without the woman even realizing she is doing it.
The underlying emotions of these men are not met.
And it is so unfortunate. For women.
But not always for men.
Because now men can get at least one need fulfilled (physical intimacy) with minimal work. It’s not hard to get a woman to sleep with them. Or to get a girlfriend to live with us with no responsibilities surrounding it.
It’s the women who lose. They lose the commitment, the mutual fulfilling of needs, and the family.
And it happens by dismissing this innate male nature that no one wants to be honest and discuss: protect, and provide.
Even though women aren’t women anymore, it’s not even the woman’s fault. They can’t really be blamed here. There are plenty that don’t want this, or think of this modern situation as a nightmare.
The government has done this, many of their gender are just taking advantage of it. And men respond in turn.
But that doesn’t mean that men must keep falling victim to it. No matter how we play the game, we lose.
So, we just don’t play it anymore.
The “Good” Men Don’t Want To Marry Whores
This one is certain to catch some flake. But it’s just the truth.
When women ask “Where have the good men gone?”, this is normally the first thing that pops in my head.
JB, a popular blogger, made a really good article about this on her site titled “Sad sluts are sad that no one wants to marry them“:
All the things a good wife did in the 1950s are still all the things good wives do today
I suspect a large number of men tweeting #NoHymenNoDiamond are not literally looking for a virgin bride, but they are highlighting the fact that there is little incentive for them to ‘put a ring on it’. The benefits of marriage largely accrue to women, and modern women seem to have no sense that they might be under some obligations once they slide that ring on.
In actual fact, women don’t owe men anything they don’t owe other people as a matter of common decency and courtesy, but when they want something from men (like a commitment to marriage and family), they need to offer men something in return.
Men are rejecting marriage and family and commitment with college-educated women because, quite frankly, those women suck. Marriage remains a risky proposition for men, even in the best circumstances, but I wonder how many more men would be willing to consider it if they were involved with a woman who wanted more than an expensive, flashy ring, a Magic Princess Day in a Big Fluffy Dress, and access to his resources. How many more men would consider marriage, if they knew they were with a woman who wanted more than just to be a wife.
What if she wanted to be a good wife?
I highly doubt there are many men interested in getting a hymen. I sure am not.
But, that doesn’t mean we want to be with a girl that is a giant whore.
More likely to cheat, more likely to divorce, more likely to be a pain in the a**.
Also less likely to sexually bond.
And the overall number of sexual partners is now one of the most predictive factors in whether she will end up in a divorce (see below on my wonderful divorce section).
For the sources of those: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)
They are fun temporarily but past that they are not marriage material.
A common retort is “Why does it matter?”. As in, why does the high body-count matter? Michael had an interesting response to this question when it was posed:
It matters, and that’s my right to have. I don’t want the added risk of infidelity nor do I find it sexually attractive. Women can deny men for their height (something he does not choose), or his financial situation. To think that you can do whatever you want and get a free pass in the end just because you’re a girl speaks volumes of your sense of entitlement which is, in and of itself, grounds for rejection.
But my fellow men reading this let’s be honest with each other here for a minute. Has anyone ever met an emotionally balanced woman that was slutty?
Even if you disregard the bible/puritan shenanigans, it’s not unreasonable to have preferences. And most men’s preferences are low body count. Regardless of our overly-liberated hook-up based culture. As a man you can be promiscuous now and committed later, no problem. As a woman you can’t. Don’t blame me, blame mother nature.
And I don’t think this has as much to do with jealousy as other people believe. I don’t think any man would get jealous over being with a high-n woman.
Really, I think he’d just feel stupid he put a ring on something everyone else got for free.
It’s much more devaluation, and lack of respect for oneself that steers men away from these type of women.
With the sexual revolution, more women have entered this territory. So, less worthwhile women. Or easier access to the slutty ones.
And either way you look at it, more men drop out of the “ever want to get married” pool.
Then we look forward into the future, and after these women turn like 30 and hit the wall they are now afterthots.
However, this change could be construed in a positive manner. I’m a glass half-full kind of guy. In a way you have a better chance to build a stable marriage than ever before, because all the sluts that would been pushed on you by their fathers a couple centuries ago are now out and proud and you can dodge them easily. You just have to be smart.
Oh, and there is also the fact that Women’s Body Incorporates DNA From The Semen Of Her Casual Sex Partners. Would just love to have that knowledge and still have children with her. Or, you know, jumping off a bridge would work too.
Breaking News: Woman who had sex with 60 different men shocked that men don’t want to marry her!
Religion Has Faltered
It’s pretty challenging to isolate one single reason why men in Western nations are changing their attitudes toward marriage.
That is because one single thing can be overlooked and tackled by men internally debating the subject.
So, it is likely a myriad of reasons (as this list is trying to prove).
And one of the big reasons is obviously religion. To say any different would be to deny the obvious. Whether you are secular or not.
Lack of religious affiliation/belief has been increasing as secularism in the West has garnered a stranglehold of our public perception.
Religion, especially Christianity, has always been a driving force behind matrimony. After-all, it is the main reason why people began to get married in the first place.
It was also the spiritual power that reunited and reinforced marriage during the rough times, which all marriages will endure.
Even if it meant being unhappy for awhile, religion could keep people together.
If not for the kids, then to avoid the eternal burning in hell and all.
Now as soon as one party is bored or wanting a different sexual flavor – hello, divorce!
And moreso, the bible does not actually speak negatively about the unmarried. Just the whores. See Corinthians 1-8:
Corinthians 1 – 8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Religious affiliation and ideals have plummeted. And thus, less marriage. This one is easy to draw the connection with.
And even if we exclude the “religion forces marriage” stigma, it still has other side effects.
Less religious women means more whores as more promiscuous women become main stream, and I just covered how that works out in the last section.
Less religion means less reason to work together with your partner through the tough times.
And also less religion means less bonding over non-physical or material matters in marriage.
And so forth. You can add about 50 more points to this but it’s a beaten down topic.
Religion rates down, marriage rates down. Simple as that.
It’s All About Them
I’m afraid that my role will be to provide everything I can while receiving nothing in return.
I’m afraid that once she has children, her libido will fall off a cliff and I’ll be the one in the wrong for still desiring her.
I’m afraid that I’ll still stay in excellent physical shape while she won’t, because she already has me tied down.
I’m afraid that the mutual respect built will falter because she no longer has an incentive to maintain it.
I’m afraid that our wedding will be all about her.
I’ve seen so many marriages that have descended from mutually beneficial romantic connections to a zero-sum game where one person wins at the expense of the other.
And who hasn’t seen the degrading idea’s of men in the media of husbands acting like idiots? Of women controlling 90% of everything in the marriage? The supposed 50/50 split is highly coveted by feminists, but it seems rarely achieved. Especially, by feminists.
When women control so much power over the man’s financial assets within marriage, it’s rarely an equitable distribution of who benefits. It’s mostly geared toward the woman.
This kind of setup is terrifying. Why try it, when you can have the 50/50 beneficial relationship without the union contract? Why take all that risk as a man, for something that is literally just that – risk.
It makes absolute sense to me why love is being disregarded in the younger generations for this exact reason. The ongoing equality fight has just shifted the paradigm to the other gender, instead of meeting an equitable balance.
The more you rebel against the natural order of things, the more you will be disappointed in your own life. So, if you want to have a happier life, make the necessary adjustments to your expectations about life and people. A valid option from this, is leaving the game altogether.
Men Are Losing Interest In What Is Offered
Up above in the article retort I said the following:
I think the principal problem with this analysis is that it assumes men are interested in the same traits in women that women value in men.
Not trying to speak for all men here, but:
- I’m college educated (B.B. & M.A. Stem Field) – I don’t value graduate or undergraduate education at all in a partner
- I am physically fit (6’0, BF ~ 14%, getting it lower) – I have dated women that outrun me in obstacle races
- I don’t care how much money a woman makes, whether it is 30k or 90k. Nor if it is more or less than me.
- I don’t care about the “social status” of her job
- I don’t care what my friends think about her
I am sure most men would agree with me about these things.
Now can we say women would say the same?
In one of the countries with the fastest dropping marriage rates (Japan), men all agree on one thing: they don’t give a sh*t about “independent women”.
Nor do they care about other traits that have largely taken over as important to most women.
These men in Japan, who call themselves Herbivores, are estimated at 60%+ of the unmarried male population in Japan over age 20.
It’s not that they dislike independent women, it’s that they are indifferent about it. They don’t like, nor dislike it. And if that’s all a woman has going for her, it’s not a strong enough incentive to desire to marry.
And I need to add a caveat: being independent is a good thing. For anyone, male or female. I’m not saying “Don’t be independent”. It’s just not something that is a positive for finding a partner as a male. Most of us simply don’t care, one way or another.
However, for some men – the biological need to provide does make this one a challenge.
Most men like to provide, at least something/somehow. It’s possible to be independent and also fulfill a man’s innate desires. It’s no different than a women requiring emotional validation/intimacy. But it’s largely disregarded because a man should just “man up”, and deal with anything. Well, this results in some men just forgoing commitment altogether, as their biological needs are not met. Very similar to if a women left a man because he was emotionally unavailable. He’s not meeting her needs, they are not meeting ours.
I have a feeling that this trend: women misunderstanding that men are not interested in the same things that women value in their partners, is a very strong indicator for why marriage rates are dropping. Women focus on things in relationships that we don’t care about, and then wonder why marriage is declining.
The same could also be said of men. If men all focused on a trait women were not interested in, I have no doubt that the result would be the same. But men don’t do that, because our biological drive tends to push us toward things that will help us acquire women – whether that’s through money, fitness, or something else.
While Japan is an extreme example, I have no doubt that the West is starting to head toward that exact same result. Because the reasons that it occurred in Japan vs here are not too different.
The sources for Japan/independence in women trait: (1), (2), (3)
Some articles on male’s imperative to provide: (1), (2), (3)
Infidelity – 41% of Married Couples Have An Affair
41 percent of married couples report having an affair; about 36 percent report having affairs with coworkers. 17 percent admit to affairs with a brother or sister-in-law.
The average length of reported affairs is two years. About 31 percent of couples stay married after an affair or affairs have been admitted.
Source: (1).
Likewise, in recent years edition:
Since 1990, the rate of married women who report they’ve been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent, while the rate among men has remained the same.
Take this story for example:
The 47-year-old stay-at-home mom says she was in a happy marriage. She was raising two young children, her husband worked towards his career and she never felt neglected at home. But after 13 years of her routine life, it became stagnant.
“I began to feel unsexy and I heard about the site [Ashley Madison] and thought to take a look… I didn’t expect to meet somebody who fit my criteria.”
That year she met a married man she fell in love with and things quickly became addictive. He was an educated professional father who was in a similar situation as she was. The relationship lasted on-and-off for seven years and Violet’s current husband still has no idea.
“It was intense … for three years,” she says. “We were seeing each other multiple times a week, talking on the phone, emailing, sending texts … he was my primary go-to, he was more my husband than my husband was.”
After the three years, he ended up leaving his own wife, but Violet chose to stay with her husband and kids. While her affair has recently dissolved, she went back on the dating site three months ago. So far, she hasn’t met anyone like him.
“I think I am looking to replace what I had.”
Nobody knows Violet’s secret and she doesn’t ever plan on telling her husband.
“There’s a stigma attached to cheating,” she says. “I would hate for my children to know their mother did this [Author edit: No shit?]. I can say my husband is a very good man, but everyone’s story is individual.
… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with [cheating] if we’re looking for fulfillment. It doesn’t make us bad people.”
“I don’t feel like either of the men I was involved with were bad people either,” she says. “Everybody’s situation is individual. I don’t feel bad, I don’t feel guilty … it’s this bubble and nothing from the outside can affect us. It’s just you and that person.”
So, women have been cheating more. And they’re less morally repulsed while hiding it – because, hey, everyone’s situation is individual? Thanks, feminism.
Even if you’re an amazing husband and a great father, you could still be getting sloppy seconds after your wife comes home.
And without knowing. For seven years.
And the kicker? Most places are moving to “no-fault divorce”.
So even if she does this and you catch her, she can still file for divorce and walk with half his shit, alimony, custody, and child support.
Starting to see why this is more risky for the man than the woman, yet?
Don’t worry, if you’re not I have plenty more below to convince you.
Her story is not unique and is an example of some typical modern secular American values. The desire to have it all without consequence or regret, because, hey, I’m a proud independent woman.
If the vows mean nothing, why agree to them in the first place?
Well, because she gets all the “married benefits”, and none of the risk. That falls on the male. Easy conclusion.
This is a simple mindset, really.
The mindset is:
- “Disney promised me a partner that must supply all of my needs, and if this person does not supply everything 100% at all times I’m entitled to get those needs met elsewhere”
Because Jesus forbid you learn to compromise or have realistic expectations.
This entire philosophy is peak upper class white women “feminism”.
Most people are shitty and selfish, I get that. Those very same people, though, can be nice and generous.
It’s a paradox of our species.
If you just look for bad qualities, you’ll always find them. You have to look for the good in people too.
So not all women cheat. That’s good. But there are a lot. And the number is increasing.
Which means it’s just another reason to say no to the child-slavery procured ring that costs 5 months salary.
High Risk of Divorce and Women Initiate That Divorce Over 70% of The Time
Any overview of something called Briffaults law is necessary here.
I don’t agree with it fully, nor does it apply to every woman – but it is an important concept to keep in mind with this topic.
Briffaults Law
Now let’s get into this.
Divorce is a complete clusterf*ck of a massive magnitude for men.
Both men and women go through certain things in a divorce:
- Emotional trauma
- Complete upheaval of life
- Non-certainty the remainder of their life
- Destroyed foundations
But there are certain things that are specific to men, that we will go over:
- Family courts are a catastrophe for men’s rights
- Failed marriages are almost always regarded as the man’s fault
- Men are the ones ruined financially the vast majority (>95%) of the time
- Risk vs reward ratios
Family Courts
“Family” law is gender biased, a money racket, and has archaic laws that do not represent modern reality.
I have a feeling if a man stacked his odds at betting half his value at Roulette vs Family Court, he’d wager the casino a better option.
Think you can win by getting a prenuptial agreement (“prenup”)? Nah, they can toss those out as well. Just say “unconscionable”.
Some sources, but thousands are easy to find with a quick internet search: (1), (2), (3)
The situation is so dire, men have even set themselves on fire because of the entirely fucked up court system. Probably haven’t heard about that happening outside of Buddhist monks in foreign countries, but rest assured we have it happening here too.
And considering The US has the highest divorce rate in the world — about 4.95 per 1,000 people, or about 53 percent of marriages — men have a greater likelihood of facing this courtroom than not. And women initiate around 70+% of those divorces.
The system also makes money from supervised visits. And in some state judges have ownership in these facilities, which is a direct conflict of interest. But who cares about that?
The men incur horrific costs, it’s hugely profitable for the legal racketeers inside, and the laws are not applied equally. The laws focus solely on what the Judge feels like should be “equal”. And it’s very, very often not in the male’s favor.
It’s hard to cover every detail on this monstrosity, but one documentary that did a great job at it was Divorce Corp.
If you’re interested in learning more then give it a watch in your off time.
Divorce Corp. Documentary
Failed Marriages Are Always on The Male
You cheated? You’re a monster who doesn’t care about his family.
Your wife cheated? You were emotionally distant and didn’t fulfill her needs.
The reality? A cheating partner is the same regardless of who it is. This type of change-in-appearance is why many men are skipping marriage in even greater numbers. Why become involved in an institution that blames a wife’s cheating on her husband (no fault divorce)?
A faithful man, or a loyal one, will still find it hard to sign that paper at the end of the day when so much of his is at risk and there aren’t any laws to protect him against her becoming the failure of their marriage.
There is, however, a unique view into this. Because of the rise of divorce and promiscuity, many women themselves are growing up without fathers. And this is problematic for future marriage rates.
From TheFatherLessGeneration statistical database:
Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are … 92% more likely to get divorced themselves
So it becomes a repeating cycle, where the man is to blame. If a mother leaves the father and withdraws the father out of her life, she in return is also (nearly double) more likely to get divorced in her life. This is an epidemic, and is not talked about because divorce is told to only effect current marriages. But it’s not true. It effects the kids perceptions as well.
And deadbeat dads are another issues – 40% of children of divorce lose contact with a parent. More than 90% of the time this is the father, and it is 50-50 in who is at fault: the mom withdrawing the child or the father becoming a deadbeat. But, is it ever assumed it’s the mothers fault? Of course not. Even if she goes to the family courts to restrict his access, it is still his fault for not seeing the kid(s).
A final point is this article from the dailymail. It talks a bit about how women are typically seen as the “victims” in a divorce, which lead to men being largely ignored, and the financial devastation garnered behind women freely bouncing from marriage at high rates when they get bored.
Talk about a lose-lose battle.
Financially Disastrous
Between alimony, unfair division of non-earned assets, child support, losing the house, losing the car, higher risk of bankruptcy, losing your 401k… Men tend to walk away limping, if at all.
Divorce lawyers will do their part in driving you deeper into the red. Legal costs range from $1,772 on average for an amicable split-up to as high as $46,578 for a contested divorce, according to a 2016 survey of legal fee. That’s just fees. Not even including what a man has to give up/pay for for the next 22+ years.
I don’t really need to beat this dead-horse, do I? Most of you know that financially men get reamed in divorce.
This should not be a surprise to anyone, male or female.
So let’s talk about the child support particularly.
Even if a man gets married, and does not have his own biological children, he can still be on the hook for child support. If a man shows that he is “acting like a father”, a corrupt judge can still take over his finances until the kid is well into college.
And his “child welfare is paramount” argument by the court system drives me utterly insane when it’s used to justify requiring the support for a man who is not the biological father.
Consider, by that logic, demanding support from the most well-off person in the mother’s relative list would be as just, if not more-so. It’s already family and blood, in that circumstance. (I know, I shouldn’t give them anymore ideas).
These child support rarely have a cap, either. It’s 20-28% of net income in Illinois. How is a man to save or ever grow for 20 years at that cost? Where is his incentive to make more money, just so more goes to taxes and his ex who doesn’t deserve it?
Hell, the laws are so archaic that child support is usually paid even in cases that are 50/50 custody. So the father is in charge 50% of the time, yet still has to pay over a fifth of his earning power. Why is their not a “cap”? Or a fixed rate, rather than percentage of income? Imagine if a man was paying child support and he created a business that boomed – he could end up paying upwards of millions, yearly – to a girl that did nothing to deserve that money. Talk about a nightmare situation.
These child support laws worked many years ago, when it was based on what a child actually cost to take care of and the division split. But in modern times, it’s just a percent of a father’s salary that if he doesn’t pay he loses his license and goes to jail (The irony! How will he pay that support from prison?).
If you watch the Divorce Corp documentary, you’ll see a specific part on family judges using this line (I wish it were a joke):
“How would the child feel if it knew that its father was saving money on it.”
Yes, the legal system doesn’t want dads to save money at all while raising a child. Good luck, retirement. And hello, early retirement for the mother.
Fair deal, marriage. Isn’t it?
Oh but we’re not done. What about when men lose primary custody (Which almost always happens, except in the cases the moms a well-known crackhead)?
Well, when she gets the kids – she has a higher likelihood of abuse.
DID you know children are more likely to be harmed by their biological mother than father? Neither did I until very recently. But why am I surprised — and why will you be shocked? Because we don’t talk about it.
The author is right, we don’t talk about. But women are much more likely to cause child maltreatment and harm:
In 2012, 54% of perpetrators were women and 45% of perpetrators were men. Source: CDC
And
71% of Children Killed by One Parent are Killed by Their Mothers; 60% of Victims are Boys. Source: DHHS
Lose half of everything you own regardless of if she helped at all or stayed at home, lose your earning power and incentive to grow fiscally for 18+ years, lose your sanity in divorce court, and have higher risk for the child being mistreated. Great combination. Why not get married with these benefits?
Men Take All The Risk and Receive Virtually No Benefit
Marriage is not zero-sum. Nor is it 50-50. Especially in regards to the risk.
Take all of the above points and compile them, and see if any ring as true for women. Spoiler: they don’t.
A man who takes good care of his family and gives them a solid standard of living will be punished. He will have to continue giving this standard of living to an ex-wife that does not provide any of the marriage standards he previously received to him.
The entire divorce proceedings, child support, and alimony are made to squeeze a man like pulp to get the maximum amount of money out of him.
Women even talk about this and state their intent to do it in “husbandly” YouTube videos, such as this one (fast forward to 7:30 to skip the BS):
No one should have a near lifetime guarantee for maintenance of one’s life style, especially in the case of marriage failure. Yet, it is exactly what can happen.
If you had 1 household, and maintained a certain standard of living, it is ridiculous to assume that you can give the same standard over 2 households. One will invariably have to take a hit, and it is almost always the male’s side.
Which is why, if the man isn’t 10,000% sure that he will stay married, it’s a lose-lose proposition. There is no positive way out without a massive financial hit.
The man has to pay the old family, and can’t afford to have a new family. Hello, world of divorced bachelors that every older woman likes to complain about.
Whereas this risk does not apply to women – the woman can add the income of a new boyfriend/husband to the money given by the ex. The same is not true for men.
The infamous story of Wayne Tippett rings fairly obvious here, but he is not the only one dealing with this. It is very common.
But in Wayne’s own situation, a good “inside-out look” can be drawn:
Wayne Tippett has just two things of any real value left in his life: a 10-year-old car and a granite tombstone. At 51, Tippett is broken, bankrupt and bunking in the guest room of his parents’ Burlington home after a divorce settlement that’s left him $75,000 in debt and racking up $1,000 more each month.
Today, he’ll appear in court at a default hearing to try to explain why he can’t afford to pay his ex-wife (the couple had no children) $3,300 a month, $16,000 in retroactive alimony and $42,000 of her court costs out of a complex case he himself still doesn’t understand.
“I believe in marriage,” he says, breaking down recalling how soothing it was to come home at night to hear the sound of Cormier’s flute wafting out the window of their home.
“I took my wedding vows word for word – till death do you part. I thought I’d take my last breath looking into her eyes.”
Tippett kept writing cheques for $2,300, but the couple failed at every attempt to reach a deal. He says he was “shocked” last January to find himself in the middle of a two-day trial, with his ex-wife citing a litany of health issues – from fibromyalgia to the circulatory problem Reynauds syndrome – that, her doctor testified, made it impossible for her to work full-time.
What Tippett didn’t realize is that since the couple’s 2003 agreement, a revolutionary set of “spousal support guidelines,” along with significant new case law, was now firmly taking hold in divorce settlements.
In fact, the guidelines added up to a sort of “65 rule” – that if the partner’s age and years in the relationship equalled 65 or more, the main breadwinner would be paying “permanent support” the rest of his or her life.
“I was suicidal when I realized that I was going to lose. All I could see was black. I went home to my room and I cleaned things up. I was going to kill myself. No one knew what I was going through,” says Tippett.
Except his mother, who could see it on his face.
“Sometimes I still worry when he’s driving,” she says now. “Wayne just spoiled Darlene to death, he loved her so much. Now it’s ruined his life.”
The common picture we see all the time: loved her, gave her everything – then she got bored. Now he has to continue giving her everything, while being suicidal and divorced.
And on the case of alimony – why? It used to make sense when women were all stay at home moms and when divorce came they were on the street penniless. But now women get more degrees than men. Women’s earning power is equivalent to men. Why do they need alimony now?
And why such high child support, if they are both paying and earning ‘equally’?
What woman has to deal with these issues? Again, men have all the risk – none of the benefits.
As addressed above numerous times (I’m going to beat it in everyone reading this), because of the rise of the feminist hook-up culture, men can already get laid. Men can get children, foreign or domestic without marriage. Men can get female companions and enticing relationships without marriage.
What benefit does marriage bring a man?
Zero. Nothing. Zilch.
But a ridiculous amount of benefit for women.
So, as more men see the fact that men receive all the risk and none of the benefit of marriage, they forlorn hope. And then become the dreaded “not getting married” types that women hate.
But this has come because of the actions women have made in courtrooms for the last three decades. It’s simply risk aversion, not hatred or any other emotion from men.
Dead Bedrooms
See here for examples.
If you still don’t understand, I’ve prepared an even easier solution to help understand here.
See also: chore sex.
Becoming Neutered
See also: male emasculation, feminism, or “toxic masculinity“
They Might End Up Raising Kids That Aren’t Their Own
A 2006 survey found that 1.7 to 3.3 percent of fathers are unknowingly raising children who aren’t their own.
This is the “conservative” estimate, with others ranging up to 6 percent.
See also: reasons to ALWAYS get paternity tests regardless of what she says or how committed you two are.
Why Is The Government Involved In Marriage Anyway?
Big Daddy Gov should not have a say in two adults decision to commit to one another. For child welfare? Sure, to an extent.
But love?
Nah.
Marriage was always religiously backed, in the past. It was never about writing a legal contract.
Didn’t get problematic until the government and legal system decided it should get involved.
Why can’t two committed adults just live life together as though they are married, without having to put an unwavering Uncle Sam in their bedroom next to them?
Especially when that Uncle Sam comes with all the problems mentioned above. That are specific to men only.
Love each other. Love doesn’t need legal paperwork.
A Final Point
The qualities that make a good girlfriend do not make a good wife.
It is really easy to find an good woman.
But incredibly difficult to find a good wife.
Not getting married from a male’s perspective is simply risk aversion. Nothing else.
Conclusions
This article is not trying to persuade you from getting married. I’m just stating reasons why men choose against it.
I can’t tell you what to do with your life nor do I want too. Make your own decisions.
Also notice how I didn’t say “All men”, some are still sold on the idea of marriage. So if you’re a woman reading this, you can still find a man. Give it time. And then don’t screw him over.
We don’t live in a traditional society anymore, so marriage has been largely debased and holds very little meaning to most anymore. When people get married three times, it loses its significance. It’s practically just advanced dating at that point.
And yet, this is an incredibly important topic. According to Pew Research Center:
The share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997 – from 28 percent to 37 percent. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent. Believe it or not, modern women want to get married. Trouble is, men don’t.
A principle point of this discussion is to get across the fact that men that don’t want to be married aren’t monsters, or are weird. They just focus on themselves, and try to avoid the high risk situations in life.
They don’t degrade or treat women bad. Those guys are just assholes.
Men are sensing the increasingly hostile environment and are unconsciously going “on strike”. They are dorpping out of college, leaving the workforce and avoiding marriage and fatherhood at very high rates.
This trend is so obvious that there are hundreds of books on the “man-child” phenomenon. They state men are avoiding responsibility – I think that’s BS. They are avoiding risk. Why should men participate in a system where they generally lose? It’s like saying men that don’t go the casino and constantly bet on red are man-children; the odds are similar.
Society and many women dis-incentivize responsible fathers/husbands and providers. So, consciously or unconsciously men are leaving the playing field altogether for a simpler pasture.
Or they are going for foreign women. Same motives and reasoning.
A simple fact is that any person in your life should add a positive value to it. If that isn’t satisfied, why keep them around? Is the risk worth it? This rings especially true when considering marriage.
To the men reading: Do whatever the hell you want to do, but play it safe. Don’t end up like so many men completely destroyed by their false sense of ‘eternal’ love, that dies as soon as she gets bored.
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